What am I supposed to do???

[Clemence]

Please help!!!! I feel really really depressed and really need some advice. PLEASE can anyone help



What should I do about Skye??
My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Skye.

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low and i couldn't bring myself to/didn't know how to move on from Skye...and my Grandma....didn't want a life..if it was going to be without them...didn't see the point. I missed Skye so so much and could not come to terms with the fact that one of the people of whom I loved more than anyone in the world...had vanished from my life FOREVER! It was like a nightmare! I couldn't believe that I'd probably never see him ever again/be with him.

I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Skye was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stupidly stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world and I have also been struggling with SEVERE depression.........I am now 18.



However this is now my problem(of which i need your advice on) :

I am 18 years old and I have realised that I realy HAVE to do someting about my life. i.e. go to college

my problem is I still REALLY really love Skye

the thing is I did have brief contact with him a few years ago and recieved comformation that BACK THEN he liked me.But he didn't know about me missing school back then. you see I sent him a valentine's card saying 'I think you're the most lovely person in the universe and always will no matter what!

I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him…but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He’s going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studyiwng 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago….i just wasn’t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.

The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL. I AM 18 YEARS old now btw...and am getting severely worried about my future.

What should I do about Skye now? Which college should I go to (the one next door to Sye........or a diffferent one? How can i hold on to him, be around him, stand a chance with him etc? PLEASE HELP.....i love him and couldn't bear to lose him. I just don't know what I'm going to do!!!! What should I do about Skye?

If I do nothing …and just let Skye go……then do you think that we’ll ever meet again again some day in the distant future…..and get together? I mean what are the chances of that happening? Probably not very high. Do people come back from University?

Can you offer me any advice on all of this?

[ghchealth]

First, let me say that I think that you have been neglected and experiences some very traumatic experiences that merit counseling. I am not in a position to state whether you are or have been clinically depressed, but I think that the death of your grandmother and the lack of attention from your mother is enough to make you feel extremely apathetic. It is normal to experience strong feelings of grief in such a situation. Unfortunately, it sounds as if grief and lack of direction have put you behind where you would like to be in life.

The good news in all of this is that you have the desire to go back to school and accomplish some of your goals in life. The fact that you have this desire means that you have a hopeful future. Please understand that I am not saying that it will not be difficult or even a little embarrassing. Most likely it will be both of those things. However, you have already experienced what happens when you simply refuse to grow and participate in life: you are left behind. To me, this is a far worse option than spending a little time and effort to make up for the past couple of years.

Here is the better part: once you get over the slight shock and embarrassment of returning to school, you will probably enjoy it immensely. You will meet new people, learn new things, and experience a sense of accomplishment that you probably do not feel now. Take comfort in the fact that many people return to school after decades in order to complete their education; you will simply be a little behind.

I don't know if it really matters which school you attend. I would base the decision on what you need and want rather than on the chance of encountering someone. The reality is that you may run into Skye regardless of where you go or what you do. If you feel that you must explain your life to him then there is nothing to prevent it. A person that cares for you can easily understand that you have suffered some real hardship and that it has affected your life. There is no shame in the fact that bad things have happened to you, especially if you are trying to overcome them.

Loving another person is a wonderful and important thing. Try to understand that you cannot force another person to have these feeling; no one can. The only aspect of your life that you can control is how you respond and the actions that you take. My advice to you is this: do the best that you can to move forward with your education and your life, get counseling to try to better understand all that has happened to you, and make the absolute best of whatever relationships present themselves to you.