THE TOP 10 THINGS to REMEMBER ABOUT HAPPINESS
- Diana Robinson, Ph.D.
Almost all of us want to be happy. Being happy is not a skill taught in
school. If we are lucky, our parents taught us about happiness, either by
example or by shared wisdom. For the rest of us, there are some important
things to remember about happiness, and the art of being happy.
1. It is OK to want to be happy.
It is not unduly selfish, or materialistic, or self-centered. Wanting to
be happy is normal.
2. To pursue happiness is an inalienable right - to be happy is not.
Some people seem to believe that they have a right to be happy, that other
people should make them happy, that when they are not happy they have a
right to complain about it and that complaining will cause them to be
happy. All three premises are false.
3. No one owes you happiness.
Assuming you are an adult, your happiness is not anyone else's problem. If
you are a person who spreads happiness, then others will probably want to
contribute to your happiness. This is their choice, not your right.
4. Happiness comes from attitude, from within.
We become happy when we cultivate an attitude of appreciation and
gratitude, when we focus on the good stuff. One way to do this is by
keeping a regular gratitude journal. This gets us in the habit of looking
for what is good in our lives, and when we focus on that we are likely to
be happy.
5. Owning more things does not make you happy.
Advertisers would like to make us believe that we can buy happiness, but
we cannot buy happiness by buying more things. Wanting things goes back to
our heritage as hunter-gatherers. It was important to hunt, and to gather,
but that was for reasons of survival. For most of the people reading this,
our 'wants' rarely relate to our survival.
6. Happiness is more a process than it is a goal.
When I get... when I reach... when I am... we may think that happiness is
something that will come, or will happen, one day. Eventually, we will
probably find that happiness is the journey, and that if we focus only on
the destination we will never get there.
7. Talking about unhappiness does not make you happy.
It is true that we all need to vent at times. The purpose of venting is to
express our dissatisfaction with something so that we can move on. If we
vent just to let others know how badly used we are and how awful something
is, nothing new will happen. If we keep our mental attic filled with
unhappy stuff, there will be no room for anything else. We need to get
rid of it so as to make room for the happy thoughts to move in.
8. Happiness is more often accompanied by accomplishments than by
compliments.
Certainly it is nice to be appreciated, and we all need to receive
encouraging words from others. But they need to be based on fact. The
empty words that are just intended to 'raise self-esteem' ring hollow when
we know that we have truly done nothing to deserve
them. It is when we have worked and achieved that we can know that the
words ring true, and can really feel good about them and ourselves.
9. Memories of happy times can be stored up for retrieval during the bad
times.
Very few of us will never feel unhappy, will never fall into 'the slough
of despondence.' A major help then is to remember the times when we were
happy, and the fact that we have those memories 'in the bank.' They are a
part of us, they can remind us that we are capable of happiness, and that
the world is not always out to make us miserable. When you are happy,
consciously store up the memories - they will serve you well.
10. Happiness comes from sharing happiness.
There are few joys as complete as those that involve bringing joy to
someone else. Happiness defies the laws of economics in that it is not
something that we have less of when we give it away. It is something that
grows greater for the giver as it is given. The more you give, the more
you have.
About the Submitter:
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., Personal &
Career Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on
the http://www.choicecoach.com/
Diana Robinson wants you to know: As a Coach, I work with clients who are
ready to grow and change, who know that there is more to life than they
are presently experiencing, and who are eager reach out for it. I offer a
free e-mail newsletter, Work in Progress, and a free half-hour phone
coaching session. I'd love to hear from you.
